Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize