i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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