My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
