You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
