1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
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