So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
