i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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