yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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