The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
