you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
