TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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