why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
ugly people sure do ruin things
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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