I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
