fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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