I just gift wrapped bread.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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