was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
