clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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