So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
