First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
