I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
