yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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