Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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