Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
