I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
