I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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