If that was your dad, he is hot
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Randomize
