Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
