i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
