On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
