Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
