You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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