Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
