Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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