dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Randomize
