my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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