I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
