Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
