Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
