I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
