Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
