So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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