Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Randomize
