Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
