I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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