so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize