i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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