maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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