This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Your cock deserves a montage
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
