I'm jealous of your bromance
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
