You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
