omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
