college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
