I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize