I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
