whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize