tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
