Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
