in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
