this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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