I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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