I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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