why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
