You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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