I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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