this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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