Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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