Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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