I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
