then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
