his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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