Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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